Why did Dave Futrelle climb the split-rail fence?
To see what was on the other side.
How many feminists does it take to help Dave Futrelle screw in a lightbulb?
How many feminists does it take to screw Dave Futrelle, until the lightbulb goes off for him?
Why is Dave Futrelle banned from petting zoos?
Cause, for him, petting is still getting to first-base.
A brunette, a red-head and Dave Futrelle go see The Chippendales. The brunette sticks a twenty
down the dancer's G-string and gooses him. The red-head sticks a fifty down his G-string and rubs
his dick. Dave whips out his ATM card, stuffs it down the guy's G-string and walks off with the cash.
Dave Futrelle and a redhead went to the bar after work for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and Dave bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump.
ReplyDeleteSure enough, he jumped, so Dave gave the redhead $50. The redhead said,
"I can't take this, you're my friend."
But Dave insisted saying,
"No. A bet's a bet."
Then the redhead said
"Listen, I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money."
Futrelle replied
"Well, so did I, but I didn't think he would jump again!"
What happens to Dave Futrelle
ReplyDeletewhen he takes Viagra?
He grows taller!
Dave Futrelle and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight.
ReplyDeleteFutrelle is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easily.
So, Dave asks if the senior would like to play a fun game.
The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.
Dave Futrelle persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun...."I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5.00. Then you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00," he says.
This catches the senior's attention and, to keep Dave quiet, he agrees to play the game.
Futrelle asks the first question. "What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon?"
The senior doesn't say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to Futrelle.
Now, it's the senior's turn. He asks Dave, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"
Futrelle uses his laptop to search all references he can find on the Net.
He sends E-mails to all the smart feminists he knows; all to no avail. After an hour of searching, he finally gives up.
He wakes the senior and hands him $500.00. The senior pockets the $500.00 and goes right back to sleep.
Futrelle is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the senior up and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"
The senior reaches into his pocket, hands Davey $5.00, and goes back to sleep.